My snappy responses to inane LinkedIn pitches

Do unsolicited LinkedIn pitches want to make you scream, or do you want to respond ala the legendary Al Jaffee when someone sends you something that you don’t need?

Jaffee, who worked for Mad Magazine and with Stan Lee as a humorist and columnist, would create what I remember as “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.”

For example, I remember one strip where it was raining, and one person asked the other if he thought it was going to rain.

The response was classic. “It’s a flight of eagles with snotty noses. It should end soon.”

Take this recent pitch from Brandon as how someone might respond like Jaffee.

Matt — Quick Question

Hey Matt! We can get you 150+ monthly appointments with our COMMISSION-ONLY sales team & outbound ecosystems. There is literally no risk involved. Is that worth a chat? Best, Brandon .

Feeling my inner Al Jaffee, I might respond this way.

“Hey Brandon. Only 150 appointments a month? Is that all?

My team generates that for just one week. Perhaps, we should work together on filling up the lives of other people so they can miss eating meals, playing with their friends or families or getting a good night’s sleep.”